'Tis the Season, But for What?
Consider:
Embrace your “reason for the season.”
Storytime
I love making connections through storytelling to share insights about lessons learned, lived, and observed. At age 57, I have many holiday seasons under my belt–holidays as a child, a young adult, an older adult–and I cherish every experience I have had. Some years have been more or less extraordinary than others, but every year has been memorable in its own way.
As a child, I grew up in a family that was not particularly religious. We believed in God and Jesus, but not much of our life was rooted in practicing our faith. The holidays included family and friends, Santa Claus, and gifts, but there was little focus or understanding of the “reason for the season.” We had a Nativity set that my mother made and displayed each year, but it was more of a decoration than a reminder that Christmas was a season dedicated to the birth of Jesus. My appreciation for Christmas, being an actual twelve-day season in the church, didn’t come until I began middle school at a Catholic school. Even then, Christmas was still more Santa and Christmas cookies than a religious observance. We had our traditions, and the holiday season was filled with wonder and magic.
**Now don’t let me lose you here. You don’t have to be Christian or even religious to proceed with this post. The holidays include many faiths and various traditions. My one hope is that you feel supported in navigating the holidays–and all that that entails– with intention and the space to make choices. The holidays are not a one-size-fits-all situation!**
As a young mother and wife, Christmas was exciting and exhausting! It was crazy that we packed so many gatherings and gift exchanges into such a tight time span. We wanted the holidays to be special for everyone, so we had multiple family gatherings. Each year, decisions had to be made about whether to spend Christmas Eve/Day with Chris’s mother and stepfather or with Chris’s father and stepmother. Whoever didn’t get Christmas Eve/Day gathered at some other point before December 25th. My widowed father came to everything, and our siblings attended gatherings as their family schedules allowed. The calendar would turn to December 26th, and like that, Christmas was over. (But was it?)
As more seasoned mothers and aunts, my sisters, my sister-in-law, and I decided to stop gift-giving among adult siblings and cousins at the holidays. I know this is controversial! But the four of us did all the thinking, shopping, and shipping, to then do the pleading and prodding necessary to get the kids to send thank-you notes. I don’t mean to sound like Scrooge, but taking that off the holiday To-Do List and budget was a good choice for us. We could each focus on our own families, and that was a gift we gave to ourselves and to one another.
As the joint heads of our family, Chris and I decided before having children to root our holiday traditions in our faith. For us, that means taking some downtime during Advent, the four weeks leading up to Christmas, to anticipate and reflect. The weekend after Thanksgiving, we set up our Nativity sets to set the scene for how our family sees and celebrates the “reason for the season.” Then gradually, we decorate the house with wreaths, garlands, Santas, nutcrackers, and so on to ramp up the joy little by little.
As the primary gift-givers in our house, we came up with a unique system to reduce the number of gifts and strike a balance between Santa and the Nativity. Each child receives three gifts, one from each of the wisemen, and Santa brings one big family-shared gift. When the kids were younger, I even simplified things a step further by selecting a theme for the gifts. One year, Balthasar brought sport-themed gifts; Gaspar, clothing; Melchior, a special item from each child’s list; and Santa brought a Disney trip for the whole family. (Note: The Christmas most loved and remembered was the year we gave experiences as one of the wisemen's gifts. Grace was a preteen and had a beauty experience. We made an appointment with a MAC Cosmetics consultant, where Grace learned about skin care and makeup application. We left with items for her to use at home. Claire had a cake decorating experience. She spent the day at a local bakery, where she learned to use fondant and decorate a beautiful cake–she continues to bake and decorate cakes today. Sarah had a movie-theater-at-home experience. She planned the whole evening. We set the living room up like a movie theater, complete with a concession stand. She and her friends had a great time.)
As time has passed, our traditions have evolved. One Christmas in particular changed everything and yet kept our “reason for the season” even more concrete. If you read Benjamin’s Story, you know that our fourth child was born with Wolf-Hirschhorn Syndrome and passed away on December 5th, at just nine weeks old. Our grief was immense and could have cast a shadow on the holidays for the rest of our lives. But our grief was softened and soothed by the outpouring of love and kindness from our family, friends, and neighbors. Without a word, a wreath was hung on the front door, lights decorated our yard, and offers to watch the kids while we pulled together Christmas gifts were abundant. Amidst our sorrow, we found joy, or maybe joy found us.
It was this holiday season that gave us a new perspective. I have come to believe that Benjamin was here at the perfect time for our family. Benjamin came into our lives when life was so ordinary that we did not take notice of the many blessings around us, including the people sitting across from us at the dinner table. We had our own kind of advent as we anticipated Benjamin’s birth and the gift God would be giving us. He gave us another beautiful baby with a life to live and impressions to make. Our time together was extraordinary. We lost Benjamin on December 5, 2003, and although this is not a significant date, it is a significant time. We lost him the first week of Advent. Our Advent season was filled with the kindness, prayers, and support of family and friends, and not pre-Christmas craziness. I don't think Benjamin's purpose in life was to inspire a change in how we do the holidays, but I do think an epiphany can be found wherever you are willing to look. Since then, we celebrate at a slower pace, adopting the idea that the holidays kick off slowly with Advent, peak on Christmas Day, and continue for twelve days until Epiphany.
The holiday season is a unique communal time. We gather to celebrate, but how, what, and why we celebrate varies from family to family and person to person. Taking some time to consider this may ease some of the holiday stress we heap on ourselves and one another. I’ll leave you with some things to consider:
If Christmas lasts for twelve days, after Christmas sales are actually Christmas sales.
Keeping with that thought, a gift given on December 28th is still a Christmas gift.
Traditions change with the addition or passing of loved ones.
Navigate the holiday season with intention; be true to yourself while remaining considerate to and of others.
Think about your “reason for the season” and share it with others.
If you would like to share your “reason for the season,” some of your traditions, or supportive tips for surviving the holidays, leave a comment. All comments are viewable to all readers.